The Mom I Thought I’d Be

If you would have asked me ten years ago what kind of mom I was going to be, I would have said:

I was going to be a stay at home mom.
A patient one.

I was going to spend my days doing all sorts of learning activities with my kids, not to mention the endless hours we would spend doing arts and crafts. We would play board games, go to the park, and read lots of books. Therefore, there would be no reason for my kids to spend hours on tablets, computers, and video games.

I wasn’t going to be a mom that yelled. There wouldn’t be a reason to yell, because my kids were going to be good listeners.

My house would always be clean, and my laundry would always be done.
I would always cook dinner at home.
I was going to bake.

My house was going to be the house that all the neighborhood kids hung out at. The mom that almost always said yes.

I would be involved in all the school activities, and help out with parties in my kids’ classrooms. I would drop them off at school and pick them up everyday. And I would be on time. Always.

I was going to be on top of the homework, doctors appointments, dentist appointments, and eye exams.

I was going to adore my kids, every minute of every day, because motherhood was going to be amazing.

I think I was delusional.

Instead, I am the mom that goes to work five days a week. Sometimes more, and sometimes twice in a day.
I am a lot of things, but patient is not one of them.

I do spend quite a bit of time doing arts and crafts, but rarely with my kids. Maybe its because of my lack of patience, or because I can’t handle watching kids struggle with glue, or color outside the lines, but either way, we don’t do them together.

While we do read books, my kids enjoy playing on their tablets, on computers, the xbox, and the playstation. And I’m alright with that.

My kids push my buttons every single day. And when they do, I yell. Loud. And when yelling doesn’t do the trick, I am the mom that resorts to asking my kids, “Do you want to call Dad at work and see what he thinks?”

No one ever eats the same meal for dinner, and it is rarely cooked by me. My version of baking includes brownie mixes, and pre-made cookie dough. 90% of the time my sink contains dirty dishes, and my table is covered in toys. There is always at least one basket of clothes that needs washed, one that needs folded, and 2 or 3 that need put away.

Generally speaking, I don’t entertain the company of the neighborhood kids. There’s a mom down the street who does that.
I most certainly do not always say yes. The mom down the street is the mom to go to for that.

My kids ride the school bus to and from school, and I send a snack to school for parties.

I am the mom that schedules doctors appointments, dentist appointments, and eye exams, only to later cancel them, because I either forgot to write down the appointment, or because something came up. I am the mom that forgets to call back and reschedule that appointment until the following month. And I am never on time. Not just as a mom, but as a person in general. I am either early, or late. There is no in between.

Clearly, the mom I thought I’d be and the mom that I actually am are polar opposites, but I’m okay with that. Just because things didn’t turn out the way I thought they would, doesn’t mean that I’m doing it wrong. There is no perfect technique to motherhood.

The one thing I was right about it that I adore my children, and my kids know how much I love them. Motherhood is amazing. Just maybe not every minute of every day.

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3 Comments

  1. Yep, I can relate! One thing parenthood has taught me is that things will not always go as planned…including how I *thought* I would be as a mom, ha!
    It is amazing, but hard. Thanks for being real here!

  2. I literally just started writing a blog post about this exact topic. While I love it, motherhood is not what I expected or thought it would be. It’s a hard realization and that’s what I’m working on. Thanks for posting this!

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